I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
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