in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
