What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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