She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
