dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
