I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Randomize
