my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
