i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Randomize
