Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
