You're my little dorito
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
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He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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