I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
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We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
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So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
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