OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
