i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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