you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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