He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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