Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom