bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
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