I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.