She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
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He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
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do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.