we have officially lost it.
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
