After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
