Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
