When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
