R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
