apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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