i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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