I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
There r osticjed everywhere
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
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