They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
