funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I need a hoe opinion
go on
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
