I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
this hospital has no fireball
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
