i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
She tied me up with her honor cords...
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Randomize
