i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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