He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
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