I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
