had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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