Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
