My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
