Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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