plz talk dirty to me
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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