WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
