Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
