I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
