i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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