he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
