I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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