somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
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