is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I want a musical about memes.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
