He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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