someone get that fucking seahorse.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
