Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Randomize
