One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
