I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
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Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
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Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
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