I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
