I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
