i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
