He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
