Umm I'm too high to move.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
