Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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