i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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