I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
