I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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