I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
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