She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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