If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
