need another drink. this is the easiest way
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
