the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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