If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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