Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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