there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
