i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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