I want to walk on stilts...naked
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
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